Two

 Wow. What a whirlwind. 

All that testing and doctor appointments lead to something totally unexpected...

vascular dementia.

But let me be candid. My family didn't believe me. My uncle, my mom's brother thought I was crazy. My brother didn't believe me either. 

Let me start with my mom's brother. My uncle and I banged heads way back when...my great aunt had open heart surgery at 86. My mom was working at the time and my aunt needed some rehab. It would be irresponsible to send her home with no one there. She needed to get her heart stronger and she needed help getting around. My uncle called me looking for our Aunt and my mom one day. The words barely left my lips, "Aunt Adele is at a nursing home for rehab," and he verbally went off on me. I will never forget how he talked to me. The golden boy of the family. I thought less of him. Now there is nothing left. He is an absolute ignorant asshole. His wife died several years ago. My mom has always tried to be the glue in the family. Let me be honest no amount of glue would hold this family together. They play nice but realistically they are all takers...except for my mom. She would drive to the other side of town to visit the family. A half hour drive was too much for them to manage. Anyway my mom asked him when she started with the dementia, if she could stay with him for a few days. His answer was he had to check with his girlfriend. He never gave her an answer. I followed up with him and he didn't want her to stay with him because he didn't want any decorating tips from my mom. Well O.K. there Uncle Cliff. Family meant nothing.

While all this was going on something was forcing me ( a higher power) to look into all her personal files. I am not the kind of person who would do something like this. But when I saw my Uncle was the executor of her will, I approached the subject to my mom. He is 80 years old. That is a concern. I live around the corner and have been helping her with bills because she was confused. I asked her if I could be executor of her estate, medical and will. I am right here in town. She said O.K. and my brother was fine with it too. I was glad to be in charge of her estate. I knew I would be honest. My goal is to do right by her. I just want her years left to be the best they can be. My brother turned uncooperative. He tried to intercede but justice prevailed. 

My brother and uncle continued to disbelieve my mom's situation. Her doctor recommended the MRI and MRA as well as psychological testing. 

The reports came back and slapped me right into reality. Basically it said you have vascular dementia. Get your papers in order. You need to take a drivers test if you want to continue to drive. This disease is progressive and there is nothing you can do for it. 

Even with this evidence, my Uncle was still in denial. I tried to discuss her situation with him and encouraged him to research her condition. His response was very arrogant. He told me I could get this too. Ah ha moment...he never bothered to read up on vascular dementia. I knew at that moment it was a waste of time. I was on my own. His under mining me with prior conversations with my mom I had to put a stop to. I told him she was be admitted to assisted living for her own safety and well being. If he cared as much as he said he did, why didn't he bother to drive the 30 minutes from his home to see for himself? I will never say anything bad to my mom about her loser brother Cliff but for me he is useless. 

My brother lives out of state and hasn't spent a great deal of time with our mother.

He would fly in and fly out. Visit for 2 days and satisfy his responsibilities. I saw the decline in my mom happen for what seemed to take place in a blink of an eye. My brother's opinion changed after to separate visits to her home. I purposely stayed away. He had to see it for himself. My mom sounded good on the phone but spend 15 minutes with her and you knew things were off.

My brother took awhile but he eventually came around. We had a huge fight. He wanted her to live with him. Ok...here I am thinking about his past. Your on your fourth marriage...your adopted a son who is pretty much disowned and your current wife has her own challenges. You both work. How is this going to work?

I don't like to challenge other people in conversations. My husband gave me some advice never to bring up the POA. Well the argument got pretty heated and you guessed it. He wanted to take mom to where he lived. I was like no way. I have been helping her through all this and you think you are going to take her down there? I threw the POA into the argument and told him bring it on...I will take you down. No way I was going to let him screw up the rest of her life. My husband usually does not get involved in my family stuff but he sent a text to my brother that if he ever makes me cry like that again, he will have to deal with him. The next day my brother called and gave me 1001 excuses why mom couldn't live with them...his wife works and they have this dog that doesn't like stranger. Fine.